People tend to think about sexuality in the same way they think about accounting. All people really give you is the historical cost, if one has slept with men, women, both, or perhaps even all genders. This is wrong on so many levels.

What does historical cost really tell you about the company’s future? Not much. Nothing in fact. I’m not interested in how much money you have spent, I’m interested in your best guess of the future. Should I make an investment or not? Who or how many you have slept with will not give any clues to if you are good in bed or not. Are you gay, bisexual, something-sexual? I couldn’t care less. If we are going to have sex, I would just like it if you were sexual. That we are compatible. The best guess of the future. Not who you tapped two years ago.

We should just stop defining people based on if they have slept with men, women, who and what ever. It will never tell you anything about their sexuality. We will always get it wrong, because it’s not forward-looking. We can’t for sure know who they will meet, love and have sex with in the future. Your sexual history will never tell us anything about your sexual future.

All my life I’ve struggled with my self-image. It’s not manly to be thin like I am (mostly was perhaps), slender, femme. It’s not manly at all. You need to be muscular, strong built, have good hair (LOL like how many men are bald?). You need to be a lot of things just to be accepted by other men as a male.

Even small words hurt. Assumed nice remarks like “you’re so thin, you’re a size S right, you are so YOU, not masc or femme” OMG the words that penetrate me and has hurt me so deep. I just wanted to be LIKE YOU ALL, like all you other men.

So I will never have the perfect male body that we see in media, on television shows, in advertising or walking down the catwalk.

I don’t want my life to be a constant struggle with the reflection in my mirror. I don’t  want that, but it’s so hard. People go all “man up” and I don’t even know how the fuck to do that?!

All I know is I can’t let the mirror image win.

There’s rarely any debate on the male body in the same way as on the female body. Yet it’s all there, the shame, the expectations, the only thing you want is to look good naked.

It’s clear that in many areas, capitalism makes it earnings from the female body being an object that you constantly need to invest in. I think this goes for the male body too. Everything that concerns the male body as weak, out of shape, too hairy, not enough hairy, too fat, having an ugly penis – all that is frowned upon. Just like so much concerning the female body is frowned upon. Hairy female armpit? Goodness me, unheard of. A man with a shrunken ugly dick? No thanks, capitalism is not interested. If you’re a male you must be strong as a warrior, it’s good if your looks are those of Spartacus, you may be hairier than a woman, but please, not too much hair.

The human body, it’s an object that we are learned to always invest in. Now you’re thinking of those lovely bears and bear cubs that you just want to hug. And yes. Maybe so, but some of them trim their body hair not to look bad, and they exercise just like the rest of us. We must believe that those crotch-lifting undies are doing wonders, must drink less since alcohol is empty calories, eat less, work out harder, color our hair, get manicures, pedicures, and we seriously believe that a certain pattern on a piece of fashion can have a slimming effect/look. Can’t we just shop our selves more beautiful? Get under the knife, just a little, just so that we can reach the desired self image? Who makes money on this? Your body or capitalism? Even men’s bodies are now driven to shopaholic behavior.

The more women that break free, the more men fall. How else would capitalism keep earning money on our bodies? You don’t look like Beckham or Ibrahimovic? It’s no longer enough that you have money and power to get the bikini models to hang around your expensive car. The more women that understand that we are indoctrinated into thinking like this and oppose them selfs to it, the harder the companies work to get men indoctrinated to believe that they have to invest in their bodies. Because the more we invest in our ugly bodies, the more we are supporting capitalism as a system. And of course we have to support it, even our retirement fundings are on the stock market these days. 

There’s no longer a free choice, since the norm and structure of it all is self preserving and is designed to sell and consume everything that can be sold and consumed, that means us. Soon men will have it like the women always have had it, the male body is disgusting and ugly and in constant need of change, while the man himself is suffering both mentally and bodily from these ideas. Besides that, your cock isn’t big enough. It probably need some kind of surgery.


I’m trying!

Sometimes it’s hard being a man: usually it ends up in some macho shit that I don’t like, or some sexist shit that I can’t take either. Harassing men or women? What the fuck is up with that? WHY do men need to do that (other than to be asses?).

Sometimes it’s easy. Allowing all kinds of masculinity and recognizing your inner femme as well, standing up to those more stupid men that go about saying sexist things about ladies or men or queers or t:s.

Sometimes it’s hard. Seeing gorgeous pants and trying them on, only to find that you look ridiculous in them, when the salesperson asks “is that all you” smirking at your bulge. Or when you actually believe that a bigger size makes you more of a man.

Sometimes it’s easy. Like when some guy tells you they want to fuck your cute little behind, and since your not in the mood you tell him that you have a bigger dick and therefor should be fucking his ass though you might destroy it because of your size.

Being a man is a million things, and more. Don’t be a jerk about it.

Sometimes I’m hard, horny, flaunting my cock online.

Sometimes I’m easy, naked and proud.

Sometimes: I AM A MAN.

Some man sure must believe that they have magical penises. You know, those jerks that tell muslim women shit like “if I fuck you you’ll turn christian”. Most likely that woman will not turn christian at all, but be repelled and appalled and scared for life. Or those dudes that tell lesbian women “you’ll turn straight if I fuck you”. As if. Just get over it that some women aren’t into cock. If you can’t handle that then you are not a man.

But. Those men believe that they have magical penises, that can change the world for these women? Just from a fuck, a taste of their magic penis. Well, ladies, send them to me. I’ll fuck them with my magic cock and they’ll turn gay. Then they won’t bother you no more. 

Stay bare.

I started my first tumblr in September 2011. Before that I had just tried going bare on It was a no-face shot, as was the first tumblr too: cock and no face. When I shut the first tumblr down in January 2012 it had got roughly 17.000 views in December only and was on the Calboner XL Cock Ring.

I was thrilled, and loved it, and scared, going to big, public, be known was enticing and scary at the same time. What if some one I knew recognized me? But I guess quitting was never an option. I created profiles on and on, joined the buttheads on ButtMagazine, and uploaded more pics on

To make it bigger I tried out sending naked photos to a handful of magazines, some never responded, some were thrilled and offered me to do spreads on paper. Since I don’t live in the US I never went through with actually doing any, but a close up cock shot was published in Handbook Men Magazine.

In June 2012 I started a new tumblr – instantly on the XL Cock Ring – and reposted and reblogged some of the old photos. At this moment roughly 80.000 views so far. Since January 2013 I have also turned more into being naked on my homepage, under my own name, showing you both my artwork, my thoughts on things and my penis.

The response has been overwhelming. I’m very grateful that you like both my mind, my rantings, my art, and my writings as well as my cock. Thank you!

No pants are the best pants. And I’m not just saying that because I love my Myanmar-longyi.

I’m re-defining my self. Re-inventing WHO I am. What I am. Why I am. I’m not the same as a few years ago. I’m not the same as when I was a child or teen. I am my self, now.

I’ve been writing a story, kind of the story of my life, or a journal, or diary if you will. So far about 80 entries, mostly about me being naked or my cock. Read at will [Since Tumblr shut down for erotica, I’m considering turning it into a book, for now it’s available here:]. I am my self, naked, bare, just me.

Of course I’m not only talking cock, there is a lot of cock going on in the images, so beware: not safe for work.

One of my straight friends is a true cock teaser. In a way I guess we are kind of alike concerning this. We used to work out together earlier, so I observed his behavior at the gym back then. Now. I’m not shy or anything, I’m the kind of guy that pulls everything off in the locker room and throw my towel over my shoulder, proudly flaunting my goods for all that want to take a look. And he’s not shy either, back then, when out partying downtown we skinny dipped in fountains, or simply called a dare: “show it” and the other always did: zipped down and showed the flaccid goods. And that’s all good fun. But at the gym, he’s just a cock teaser, and those guys can be tricky: you think you’ve scored, but no, that’s just the straight cock teaser in the shower, liking the attention from gay men.

My friend would soap up his whole body and especially his cock totally anally. Going semi he would make sure that everyone sees he’s getting a semi erection. Usually this semi show off is a cock teaser warning to the gays in the shower. I mean, come on, a gay getting a semi in the showers is impossible. All those years of being afraid of getting hard during school, soccer, work outs, has permanently damaged us. I could never get hard or even semi in the showers like my friend. Then we have another male type, that are not cock teasers but just showing off. They too sometimes get semi or hard in the showers, or at least they did at the gym we went to, and in the sauna too. Those men don’t get hard for others to like it, they get hard.. to impress? To show who’s the alpha male in the group. Honestly I don’t understand them. And I don’t think that they understand that some get hard from them being hard. Getting an erection next to them in the sauna just makes them think you are a straight competitor.

I should write a short story about this friend of mine.

It’s all connected. I have naked photos on gay online communities, it’s simply part of my sex life (I like showing it), and part of who I am (and men seem to like huge things). Yet I really hate it when people steal them and use them.

But. I’ve come to terms with that it happens, It’s pretty much unavoidable. And I don’t think anyone should be ashamed for their sexuality as long as it’s not hurting other people, I know I’m not ashamed. I’m here, I*m queer, get used to seeing my cock (I’m not going to flaunt it all the time).

Though: it’s already out there. So instead of trying to shut other blogs down, or have my pics taken down (like I have done) I decided that I OWN those pics of me and can choose to put it on my tumblr. Without feeling ashamed. So it’s sex and lust to start with, and a love and hate game in the end.

And in lust we trust. Obviously very unsafe for work.

Most Swedes are not that evolved in the questions and issues of black or white and how we talk about us and them. Don’t get me wrong, most Swedes are very articulate and mean well, but sometimes it just gets wrong. We are not used to talking about how we portray people, because most of us think that we are all the same. And we both are all the same, and not at the same time. It does not matter how we talk about them – because the second we start talking about them we are no longer talking about us.

Ok, back to the issue – it is not a problem how we portray people – but it is a problem how we not portray them. If we only got one image of how they are, that is our problem. Because that is indeed a reflection of ourselves. One of the most popular children’s books in Sweden, a series in fact, that has been around for a decade was recently discovered to contain a blackface. One of the characters was a blackface. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, but it is also a bit humiliating for Sweden that no one saw that when the books started publishing. The author stated that it was a made up character in the spirit of broadening the visualization of gender/diversity/animals/beings/humans/colours melting together. There was just one more problem to that, the stories are about one human and the rest of the characters are animals. Not too clever. Even as a fable where anything goes there should have been no human at all. A blackface and animals. Yay. And Swedes did not see this at all. For years. In fact I think that when the debating about the book started most Swedes had to google the word blackface to see what it meant. And once you’ve seen it you can’t go back. That book is about a blackface girl.

Most Swedes go about their lives like this “it’s always been this way – how can it be racist”. If it has indeed always been this way, can it be wrong? Yes it can! We can talk about a matter for decades, that does not make it right.

I had to ask a Brit for a description of a Swede. The answer “blonde hair, liberal in sex, somewhat emotionally handicapped, criminal issues”. Altogether not that strange or far from the truth told in Swedish novels that sell in huge amounts in Britain. Ok, the sexy bit from the 60’s still hangs around, but the new image of a Swede is someone lacking emotions in a society that suffers from lots of crimes. Why would that visualization not be correct if we talk about them as about us?

I also had to get a second opinion. I asked an American. The answer “well organized”. If we only have one image of how the other is it might not be all completely right. Even when true. Of course. All Swedes are well organized, we are all blond – myself included (though a Swede would indeed call me brown haired), we are liberal in sex (don’t even get me started on this one, if you ever mention the word “hen” to a Swede they will say that they want to be man or woman and not something in between) we are emotionally disabled, so disabled that we have to write books about the horrors of living in a society run by crime, well organized crime, in order to keep sane.

We can of course all just decide on that the image “we” have of “others” is the just one, and that “they” don’t even have the right to interpret that image at all. Sweden can be a prejudice and racist country without us ever knowing.

The new and racist party has a new word for immigrants. “Babbe”. Sounds a bit like baboon doesn’t it? The previous word they used was “blatte” but that is nowadays very faux-pas and if you say it loud everyone will think you are a racist, which they of course does not want to be labeled as. And as you can see, Babbe is not very far away from Blatte, but is far away enough not to sound the same and probably not give the same connotations when you hear it spoken, at least not just yet.

They of course try to by language separate “us” from “them”, no matter which word they use. And they also try to explain this word with “it means kebab in local Malmö-dialect” which actually is a bit true, problem being that mostly white young men sharing those racist ideals take it in their mouth when they order a kebab. Most Swedes  simply call kebab kebab. Shouting “you fucking babbe” doesn’t sound much like “you fucking kebab” to me.

There are connections to other words as well: “babser” is danish for boobs, a word which sometimes can be heard in the south of Sweden; to “babba” is to take a dump.

So why am I going on about this? One night last autumn a member of parliament called one person “babbe” and a girl that tried to get the members of parliament to stop harassing the other guy a “whore”. Later the parliament member blamed it all on being drunk. Drunk or not, if you call someone a babbe when drunk you are probably not calling him a kebab, and if you are calling some girl a whore when drunk you should probably not be hitting the booze at all. Being drunk is not an excuse for anything. Any civilized person you know would not call a girl a whore just from being drunk.

One of my favourite Swedish words is “badsnopp” it literary means “bathing dick” which it is called due to the shrinkage that might occur when swimming around in Swedish waters. Some men seem to shrink everywhere – “oh look an immigrant, I got a bathing brain and must say stupid things since all logic just disappeared”.

For those of you that visited WestPride and saw the great exhibition you might have wondered over my collages. I mean, those of you that did not ask me.

I’m naked in the “Ajohan collages” but at the same time the collages are an opponent to porn and the image in media that tells you how a male body should look, behave, move and own the picture. My image language is another. I don’t have a six-pack, I don’t have biceps, my body is not a super masculine object nor is it a queer transgender flowing subject, but merely a naked bodily detail in my artwork. My face is turned away, I don’t have those crazy man eyes where sexy men look like they are going to kill you with just their gaze. My body is in black and white, where as most of the rest of the collage is in colour. It creates a dynamic and a feeling of standing on the outside. In one of the images I’m in a restaurant. In another in a made up living room. In one of the collages I am indeed standing in my own living room but on the other side of the windows there is something unfamiliar going on. And so on. The nudity is natural and contemplative even though it’s cut-in. But most of all, it’s not a sexual nakedness. An ordinary non-model-body, a cock, an ass, placed in a pine forrest, in a glossy magazine or on a post card view over the Mediterranean. Beautiful constructed images. With that feeling of not belonging. Standing on the outside of what male bromance is all about. Of course I realize that many viewers only will se nudity and sex even in my images. There is no space in the world where a naked happy body can belong any longer.

A lot of visitors stopped, asked, looked, asked again, interpreted, told me things, all incredible fun to take part of. Some say that in one of the shots it looks like I’m jerking off – I have my pants slightly slipped down, others say that my ass could belong to a woman, and many said that the image language breathes more female than male. The same goes for the turned away face. It’s not manly not to face the viewer, it’s not manly not to be a strong object. The sexualised man should be strong, have horny crazed eyes, have a strong body, show strength in the image. I’m nothing of those in these images. I’m fascinated over what happens when the male body is acting like what we expect women to be in images. Mostly men seem to be on the run or standing in group over a female that have passed out or been drugged (in commercials). I’d rather be the passed out body in that case. With those men standing over me. Some say I’m brave, some say I’m a fool, others that it’s too much. Some said I have a great body, others just yawn and call me stupid. No matter what I loved getting all the reactions. Since one of the other artists showed colorful vaginas in sparkling colours and gold (desperately want one!) a handful of men told me that it was nice to get some cock to bring balance to the show.

And yes. I’m comfortable out of my clothes. I’m not ashamed not to be all masculine like you are supposed to be. I’m not ashamed over my stomach, over my ass or my cock. I’m confident in my own body, so why should I be ashamed? I’m comfortable in my self and in my body as it is.

It’s time for WestPride, the lgbt-festival in Göteborg (Gothenburg).

During this festival I will show my EGAH-origami-lamps. EGAH is an ADD_ON_ART to an existing lamp you can buy at Ikea. EGAH is short for the short story collection (in Swedish) En Grundläggande Anatomisk Harmoni that was published in 2011.  It didn’t sell well, so it has now been transformed into art. If it sells better as art than as a book it is simply poetic justice. If it won’t reach out as literature, perhaps it will do that as art. The EGAH-lamp is available in the models EGAH Star Lamp, EGAH Koi Lamp and EGAH Lily Lamp.

The lamps will be shown at the Lilla Växthuset in the Trädgårdsföreningen (The Small Green House in the Garden Society Park) in central Göteborg. Opening of the show is set to 18:00-20:00 on friday the 24:th of May, thereafter open daily from 10:00-20:00, last day June 1:st.

In the green house I will also show giclee-prints that I’ve made in an attempt to mix popart with gay art, where I’ve taken naked pictures, images from interior decorating magazines, nature images, and other photos that I’ve taken my self. Of my self. A lonely naked man in a living room, in a restaurant, in an environment where the body doesn’t belong. A naked man in black-and-white looking for something on the other side a window, where everything’s in colour.

Of course you will also be able to buy my Swedish books there. To see what days I’m attending in person: follow on  Twitter or Facebook!

For images: look on my Instagram.


Marriage is sacred.


Marriage is for everyone.


The truth.

If WE can’t marry – then YOU can’t divorce!

If you’re against gay marriage there is a very simple solution: just don’t marry a gay person!

If you don’t believe that everyone should be able to marry another person and express their joint love by this holy bond, there is something seriously wrong with you. You can take my word for it: it is the heterosexuals that have destroyed marriage as it is.

However: some of us don’t want to marry, some just want to fuck.

Apparently big gay cocks are are much more interesting to study than big straight cocks, or why not just all big cocks in general. A study that has been done is about the bigger the gay man’s penis is, the more likely that person is to have unprotected sex.

Several questions rise in my head. What is the use of this survey? Are one to go out and warn men with huge cocks that they are at risk of having unprotected sex tonight? And how did they even raise funds to do the study with like “we think that gay men with big sticks are having unprotected sex due to…?” And yes, I know that the study also is about the free condoms that is handed out at bars and clubs all are one-size, but in that case you just have to ask your self: are hung gay men cheaper? The possibility to buy a condom still exists even for gay men. Could it be that gay men with big guns are more stupid (possibly from having all blood in one place in your body) and therefor have other socioeconomic disadvantages to buy condoms than others? Hum.. all this research and so little time! Though: the question remains: why is the big straight cock uninteresting?

Read the study here. Scientists have of course also done research on wether the size has any correlation to one being top/bottom/versatile. At this I can’t stop laughing. The answer is of course: the man with the big thing is king, you are a top if you have a huge schlong, and bottom is you have a small one. If you are normal or average you are versatile. Come on! Patriarchy has spoken once again! You all understand what kind of storm it would be in the media if the study was on “the bigger boobs, the more likely the person is to have unprotected sex”.

My latest art project is based on a Swedish short story collection called En Grundläggande Anatomisk Harmoni (EGAH) that was first published in 2011. Title translates to An Elementary Anatomical Harmony. It didn’t sell all too well so it is now undergoing an “extreme short story collection make over”, and is transformed into art. If it sells better as art than as a book it is simply poetic justice. If it won’t reach out as literature, perhaps it will do that as art.

I take the inlay pages of the book and cut it into squares, then I take eight squares and fold them into an eight-pointed star. To make 160 stars it takes precisely 8 copies of the book. The first EGAH is an ADD ON ART lamp that consists of 1280 hand folded squares that is put together into 160 stars. The stars are placed on the Maskros lamp from IKEA. Literature will literally bring light to your home if you buy the stars. For those who so wish I can assemble the EGAH and the Maskros (you will have to come to Malmö and pick it up), but it’s more fun to do some crafts so the EGAH Star Lamp is sold as an add-on and you will get the ready hand folded stars to place on your own lamp.

The EGAH-stars made from the pages can also be bought separately or in packs of three, and there is also a black star made from the cover for purchase.

Want to see? Take a look here!

As far as I am concerned religion can be queer. Just look at it this way: queer baby Jesus HAS TWO FATHERS and one mother, not counting that Holy Spirit that does the hard work. Both Joseph and God are his fathers, both gracious enough not to pluck the flower of the Virgin mother Mary. Isn’t that a very queer idea, two fathers and a virgin mother?

It means: two fathers is good. Or perhaps it means that at least one in every healthy relationship should be a virgin.

This is a reply to a letter sent from Pablo to ButtMagazine. (If you go there, please remember that Butt is not safe for work or church and contain nudity) The Letter, it mainly concern the issue “I don’t cum during sex and I hate it”. You can read the answer from Butt, and you can read all the comments from different Buttheads to Pablo. I answered shortly some days ago, but the questions in my head wouldn’t go to rest. So, here’s a longer answer.

Dear Pablo. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend, and there is certainly nothing wrong with your relationship – or at least so I take it, you guys share both love and sex. You are indeed able to cum when you jack off. A lot of guys wrote “change the boyfriend” and I don’t think that will solve anything. Others wrote “I don’t cum either” – so as you can see – you are not alone not to cum from penetrating sex. So what makes you want to ejaculate, perhaps you confuse ejaculation with orgasm? Orgasm can come before, during or after the cum. If at all that is. Some men cum but don’t ever orgasm. Most men probably don’t even know the difference. They don’t even realize there is a difference. To cum can be great, but to orgasm is better, so you should go for that instead.

So, keep fucking, keep jacking, try to ease down a bit, enjoy sex, if it feels good it IS good, remember that. But it is perhaps best to work on the guilt issue first, guilt and sex don’t mix well. And I still think that the actual cum is not an important part of sex (unless you are trying to make babies). If you feel it is important you have probably learnt so from porn (perhaps even straight porn which often is very focused on the male ejaculation), or from how sex and sexuality is described in media, society and even amongst friends or fantasies online, and not from your own experience. On online gay communities it seems to be high fashion to dream about the seed me breed me gang bang porn sex that perhaps is one of our most forbidden fantasies as it in real life comes with the risk of std’s and aids. But I do hope your boyfriend doesn’t blame you for not cumming when you top him or he tops you, if it feels good doing it, it is good sex anyways.

Yes. We must talk about the racism and the everyday hatred. Because it doesn’t just involve immigrants or races, the people that are racist are usually also having their women in their kitchens and their queers in their closets.

Sadly much of the online hatred is anonymous. Of course. When you know you are wrong you must be anon, it’s only when you deep inside know that you are right that you can be public and open about your stands. To be anon is to be a coward, and to stand for one’s rights is to be brave. Sadly in many countries queers are publicly humiliated, harassed, bashed and murdered. As are women. As are foreigners.

Therefore we have to fight together. For a joint cause, and not side by side or against each other. Be brave. Be open. Be together. Only then we can make the world a better place.

According to a short article in one of the biggest Swedish newspapers men (or at least the writer in this case) walks about pondering on the most obvious structure of power of them all. For men that is. For straight men that is. For men it means power, never to be questioned, and to be the authority. Having a big dick. Preferably the biggest schlong of all.

Honestly I do believe that the writer intended it to be all good fun. And in some aspects it is: men that walk about thinking of cock are not all gay men. Every single man seems to do it. The question is: those that don’t? Are they not to be included in the conversation, according to the structure of balance and power? Men that do not think of the cock are at the bottom of the hierarchy along with those that think of the cock the wrong way, meaning those that get turned on by the thought of a huge cock. Of course smart as you all are, you can see that this is old school male bonding. Brotherhood. Jealousy. Admiration. All be it an inconvenient admiration but still.

The men named in the note in the Swedish paper are all famous movie stars. Another dimension therefor arises; they are famous, they are good at what they do, adding to the myth of what they carry around between their legs. Men. Power. Honour. Fame. To some extent it’s public knowledge that these men have huge cocks, and there are several stories about them, mostly written by men. Male. Bonding. Yay.

Later the same week another Swedish male media person joked about a female artist. At the same time as he managed to sexualize the woman (which she indeed does herself as well) he managed to utterly desexualize men. At the same time as she lives up to the ideals of the business, being all skinny, toned, and so on, he is simply just… fat, uninteresting to the sexual eye. And the pics are not clear, but he is certainly no Liam Neeson in the trouser departement. Of course, when I write this it is indeed part of the male ruler technique: pushing some down and idealizing others. Is that why some men seem makes a lot of noise about them selves? Male hierarchy?

I can’t wait until the day that the major Swedish newspapers freely describes a lovely huge clitoris, or perhaps the vaginal lips, about huge stars that one cannot stop thinking about due to their enormous female private parts. Imagine reading “I should have been more impressed by the huge pathos of the actress in the trailer for this movie. I can feel the air in the cinema vibrate as the character she plays roars out her lines like a lion. But all I can think of is one thing: her vagina. It’s supposed to be so huge that Roland Emmerich is planning to make a movie about it”. When will I get to read this in the morning paper? Would it even be ok? And if it is not ok – then why is it socially acceptable to do the same thing about someone’s cock?

At the same time it is a bit liberating. So. There are straight men that think about cock. It must be these men that stare at me in the showers at the municipal swimming pool. There are straight men thinking about my cock. Wow. I’m smiling. Wow. Yeah. I knew they were too many to all be gay.

During 2012 the Swedish discussion on queers was highly debated. It all started when people started discussing whether EVERYONE was to be included in the Pride-celebrations, the parade, the festivities. Queers were suddenly not invited, as they were accused of doing harm to the gay community in Sweden. Queers fight, Queers make noise. Queers are not part of the Swedish mainstream gays that often live very “normal” lives that from the outside are very similar indeed to the straight way of leading one’s life.

I was strongly appalled, like many other Queers. Queers are, as I see it, the only ones that truly understand and accept everyone. Those who destroy and wish to ban others are not queers.

Being queer is more than a gay attraction. It is the will to break down patterns and norms. Fine, I hear you, many queers have started out being attracted to another person of the same sex or gender or sexual identity, but you must ask yourself what actually is a sex, a gender, a belonging of sexual identity? And really, does anyone really have the same gender or identity as anyone else? But being queer does not end there.

Being queer is being something entirely different from straight or gay or bi. A queer person is someone who sees the world, relations and gender as non-binary, who admits that there are all kinds of trans-identities, who understands that there is an endless possibility of gender/sex/identity aspects, and that given this finds it unnecessary (or at least hard) to define oneself from a gender/sex/identity-scale. A queer person understands and supports non-monogamous relationships even if they themselves are not/would not be in such a relationship. A queer person can be sexual or asexual, have emotions or lack emotional interest for others. What does sex have to do with love, and what does love have to do with sex? Think of your answer: who taught you this? A queer person can see cruising or promiscuity as equally healthy as giving up sex altogether.

Being queer is about understanding that every single one of us have different relationships with our own bodies. Being queer is the understanding that not everyone wants to be touched in the same way if, even touched at all. Queers recognize that different people all have different sexual needs, triggers and turn-offs. Queers understand that there are safe ways of having sex with people with different STD’s.

Queers recognize the strengths and emotions that are found within the broad and dynamic sexual versatility. Queers can be active, passive, tops, bottoms, dominants, subs, sadists, masochists, sadomasochists, versatile, flexible, straight or bi or gay. Queers know what they like and don’t like in sex – or they find it out. They dare to find it out. Being queer is not one sexual orientation but several.

Queers embrace and know that there are many ways to form a relationship. Queers are partners, lovers, friends with benefits, platonic friends of heart, the chosen family. Queers have different relationships with different people, and do not expect one person to be able to fill all their needs, fantasies and ideals indefinitely.

As a queer I view relationships, sex, gender, love, bodies, family and other things outside the straight and religious and western-society norms, and therefore I have to be an anti-assimilationist. I would never force anyone to live their life in a certain manner. A queer person does not box people into different categories or brand people and treat them differently out of their given category. As I see people try to live and fulfill the norms and therefore live unhappily, I am political. Since we want to survive as who we are, queers have to fight. We want freedom to be ourselves, to love others and live together. Since we often are denied this, we are of course angry.

Being Queer does not mean “don’t name me” – it means “I name myself”. It means “if you are curious, ask” at the same time as it means “fuck off”.

In Sweden Queer theory courses are given at many universities, and many Swedish Queers are indeed very academic. Some even frighten the shit out of me as I do not know all the different names and labels within the queer groups. One thing I do know is that it is not the Queers that want to destroy Pride – it’s the people wanting to shut out other people that destroy the Pride celebrations. Pride wants to embrace all (at least nowadays) and therefore Pride Is Queer. I hope we don’t have to talk more on this in 2013.