During 2012 the Swedish discussion on queers was highly debated. It all started when people started discussing whether EVERYONE was to be included in the Pride-celebrations, the parade, the festivities. Queers were suddenly not invited, as they were accused of doing harm to the gay community in Sweden. Queers fight, Queers make noise. Queers are not part of the Swedish mainstream gays that often live very “normal” lives that from the outside are very similar indeed to the straight way of leading one’s life.
I was strongly appalled, like many other Queers. Queers are, as I see it, the only ones that truly understand and accept everyone. Those who destroy and wish to ban others are not queers.
Being queer is more than a gay attraction. It is the will to break down patterns and norms. Fine, I hear you, many queers have started out being attracted to another person of the same sex or gender or sexual identity, but you must ask yourself what actually is a sex, a gender, a belonging of sexual identity? And really, does anyone really have the same gender or identity as anyone else? But being queer does not end there.
Being queer is being something entirely different from straight or gay or bi. A queer person is someone who sees the world, relations and gender as non-binary, who admits that there are all kinds of trans-identities, who understands that there is an endless possibility of gender/sex/identity aspects, and that given this finds it unnecessary (or at least hard) to define oneself from a gender/sex/identity-scale. A queer person understands and supports non-monogamous relationships even if they themselves are not/would not be in such a relationship. A queer person can be sexual or asexual, have emotions or lack emotional interest for others. What does sex have to do with love, and what does love have to do with sex? Think of your answer: who taught you this? A queer person can see cruising or promiscuity as equally healthy as giving up sex altogether.
Being queer is about understanding that every single one of us have different relationships with our own bodies. Being queer is the understanding that not everyone wants to be touched in the same way if, even touched at all. Queers recognize that different people all have different sexual needs, triggers and turn-offs. Queers understand that there are safe ways of having sex with people with different STD’s.
Queers recognize the strengths and emotions that are found within the broad and dynamic sexual versatility. Queers can be active, passive, tops, bottoms, dominants, subs, sadists, masochists, sadomasochists, versatile, flexible, straight or bi or gay. Queers know what they like and don’t like in sex – or they find it out. They dare to find it out. Being queer is not one sexual orientation but several.
Queers embrace and know that there are many ways to form a relationship. Queers are partners, lovers, friends with benefits, platonic friends of heart, the chosen family. Queers have different relationships with different people, and do not expect one person to be able to fill all their needs, fantasies and ideals indefinitely.
As a queer I view relationships, sex, gender, love, bodies, family and other things outside the straight and religious and western-society norms, and therefore I have to be an anti-assimilationist. I would never force anyone to live their life in a certain manner. A queer person does not box people into different categories or brand people and treat them differently out of their given category. As I see people try to live and fulfill the norms and therefore live unhappily, I am political. Since we want to survive as who we are, queers have to fight. We want freedom to be ourselves, to love others and live together. Since we often are denied this, we are of course angry.
Being Queer does not mean “don’t name me” – it means “I name myself”. It means “if you are curious, ask” at the same time as it means “fuck off”.
In Sweden Queer theory courses are given at many universities, and many Swedish Queers are indeed very academic. Some even frighten the shit out of me as I do not know all the different names and labels within the queer groups. One thing I do know is that it is not the Queers that want to destroy Pride – it’s the people wanting to shut out other people that destroy the Pride celebrations. Pride wants to embrace all (at least nowadays) and therefore Pride Is Queer. I hope we don’t have to talk more on this in 2013.